Freeflowing

Truth be told, I have some sparks in my heart and inner voice to flesh out from my gut. Frankly, I am finding my sync despite being very densely encapsulated by the vast micro-moments of inquiry for—all walks of life. I am also tapping into a safe interior space. It is not for pride nor boasting of fulfilling my own desires because I cannot pretend to wisdom yet something that is so much more than a yearning to T-R-U-L-Y and G-R-A-C-E-F-U-L-L-Y live without fear, something different, something silly, something tender, something nourishing, something—that remains truthful AND reliably eclectic.

And even perhaps, something unnoticed, something controversial, something riveting, something entangled, something unleashed, something grounding, something empowering, something unfolding, and so forth with everlasting hope to start afresh…

When it comes to digging deep into what I hashed out and intuiting my untired OCD prompts me to come back to it limitlessly and get into the heart of the plain narratives—I feel there is always quite a bit to say in one form or another. That’s why I have been keenly indulging my new self voraciously in the personal business of revising and relaunching—again and again. The stuff GOD led me to explore in this space-to-process-and-evolve was never still. What drives me essentially is to know the heavenly truth of the realities beyond worldly perceived learning (unlike actual learning), of who I was created to be, of who I truly am—with, pitting truth against (seductive) lies while fixing my eyes on a deeper sense of what matters most and shining a light on it—in the pursuit of liberty and independence with—a peaceful soul and sound spirit.

In truth, I’ve been stepping back to step forward, AND I am on a quest for a deeper walk with Jesus. I was holding on quite a load on my mind. I could feel my voice being pushed down, and my heart was not singing. I am searching for a true calling that feeds not only my brain but also my soul. Writing is healing (freeing, too) and helps me meet my TRUE, authentic self in a four-dimensional way—my perpetuating subconscious belief, conscious but fragmented thoughts, renewed awareness, and intimate truth within the divine-directed reality. I am not how far I have to go nor where I used to be. I want to let go of my deep-seated fears of being judged and interpreted in ways that were not mine. In other words, I am living up to a beacon of hope that lit me up instead of blindly going out of my way to engage in the substance that would inevitably cause dimming that seed of light.

Tuning into and staying focused on The Holy Spirit, I know I am unconditionally showered by His Love and Rescue. My late-night inspiration usually comes as a popcorn style: I was tossing and turning all night the night before, and I could barely recall the last time—minimally—the past eight months had such sleeplessness. Only because of Him could I not fall back asleep. It was past 2 a.m. Guided by what was implanted and instilled in me from the Lord of the Glory alone, I jotted down some of the things bubbling up in my microcosm; in other words, His Way of that clarity, evident made so clear (let me pull together all my heart + mind + soul in the same wavelength) that were illuminated by His Presence and Warmth. I’ve got to be saved from letting go of my sinking boat… HE SHALL REIGN FOREVER AND EVER. Twice upon a time, I was spiritually languishing. Now I am redeemed by the mighty hand of God. I never knew this could be possible. I can finally—truly—clearly—literally—metaphorically—peacefully—joyfully—see-hear-speak-touch-savor-embrace-surrender-share-laugh-ALIVE & LIVE again. IT IS JESUS. So amazingly blessed By His Grace, I’m finally free inside and out, liberated from the then used-to-be caged lifeless soul—on the very last flip of my stand-up calendar, I put my pen to paper lightly, vibrantly, noted (AND crafted them in Rose’s Word Art companies by SEE HOW FAR)

I thought to myself:

• How close am I to be the person God has created me to be?
• What’s the best thing that could happen?
• What do I say has value to others?
• Who is influencing the way I think (about things), AND WHY?
• What provoke thought and free discussion?
• What if I choose to pursue what I am truly curious about? What would that look/feel like?
• How do I choose to learn about my true self in a Godly healthy, and authentic way?
• How does God want me to use the best times and worst times of my life and my unfulfilled potential
• What do I actually seek to serve, and how do I stand up for what I believe, even if it’s unpopular?
• What would I do if I knew I could not fail, or to put it bluntly, what would God have already done that not let me fail Him?
• Embrace. All I want to say is (All The Time), Thank You for being so awesome, for your presence, and for everything, not because of what you do but for WHO You Are and making Who I Am. 

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“The answer often lies at the intersection of the truth of the problem, the truth of the human and the truth of the solution. And the truth is really hard to come by, or stomach.”

Anonymous

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.” ― Pablo Neruda

Header phonography feat. Kelleher Rose Garden, Boston, June 2019